When I went home for Thanksgiving last month, I had an amazing time being with family and I even got to meet a few new members of it.
The one tiny detail about me being the last single person in my family is not lost on me. It’s basically my uncle and me and then everyone else with kids.
As the night went on, I underwent all the “are you dating anyone?” questions, and of course informed everyone that, no, I was not dating anyone, but would send out a group message once I was.
This of course isn’t that big of a deal to me.
But then, later after dinner we all sat and watched the little ones play.
Everything went a little chaotic for a second with the kids and my uncle looked at me and made a comment about us choosing the right way. Or simple way. Or basically the way that prevented us both from sitting there with crazy kids to take care of.
Without missing a beat I said “You say it as if I had a choice.”
It wasn’t until this moment where it was like, oh wow. So that’s how I really feel.
I’ve been living my life “single” and doing what I feel God is leading me to do, but deep down as I watch everyone else around me find love, get married and make babies it just makes me wonder, when is it my turn?
I’m not upset about it. But I do wonder.
So I may or may not have bought the book “Loveology” by John Mark Comer.
If I have all this time as a single person, I’m sure as heck going to prepare myself for what’s to come.
So I’m reading through this book, and in the back of my head I just hear the whining “why am I single?” You know. Like one of those thoughts you don’t give yourself permission to think.
Page after page, of wonderful insight by the way, and I found it.
“The point of marriage isn’t to find our missing half. It’s to help each other become all that God intended. Our future, real selves. In marriage, two people partner to that end. They see the best in each other — the person God created them to be — and they push and pull each other toward that goal.
Don’t get married because you think he or she is “the one.” Trust me, they’re not. There’s no such thing! But do get married when you see who God is making somebody to be, and it lights you up. When you want to be a part of that story of transformation. That journey to the future. When you are well aware it will be a long and bumpy ride, but you don’t want to miss one mile. Because you believe in God’s calling on them, and you want in.”
Okay. I’m not going to lie to you. I definitely started crying when I read this.
It was this moment of clarity.
Then suddenly all the crushes, almost boyfriends, and people that I gave a second glance to came rushing through my mind. There was a reason I never allowed myself to let anything become more than it was. It’s not that there was a lack of opportunity, but there was a lack of future.
It honestly put my mind at ease when I realized that I had finally found the reason why I didn’t have anyone. But it was also the reason why I didn’t want anyone.
I have not felt this way about anyone that has ever crossed my path.
You know you have crushes and sometimes you have opportunities to speak up and say something, but you don’t. Somewhere deep down inside you know this is just a crush, and it wouldn’t actually go anywhere. I like them, but the future I see for them is not a future that I want.
Sometimes I think when we’re single we start thinking about all the things that could be wrong with who we are. The reasons why people don’t pursue us. We start doubting ourselves and believing lies about who we are only because guys aren’t dropping at our feet telling us how amazing we are.
Maybe it’s just the same for them? They think you’re great, but you are not someone they want their future with. It doesn’t have to be made into some self-hating thing. (I am mostly speaking to myself here.)
So someone doesn’t want to waste your time! Why are you complaining?
I would most definitely rather not have guys pursue me for the sake of pursuing.
If I have to wait in complete silence from men, for the one person who sees my heart and where my future leads and wants in, then it was worth it.
So until that happens. This is why I’m single…