Recently I’ve had a couple realizations.
1.) I wasn’t necessarily investing my time and money into things that I loved. But rather, I was investing time and money into things that were convenient and weren’t really that important in the end.
2.) I’ve been letting my lack of experience or knowledge in those things I love stop me from trying.
I think deep down I’ve spent my whole life NOT doing things because I was scared that I wouldn’t be any good at them.
I was scared that I would put my heart into something and fail. To me, not trying was easier.
That’s why I don’t play sports, or attempt handstands (more common sense than anything, I have zero upper body strength), but also why I haven’t played my music in front of people a lot. Even though I love those things, I’m so scared of what people will think if I’m not good at them.
I have always loved photography. Always. And last week I finally decided to do something about it. I bought a camera. Not a point and shoot. Not something that’s attached to my phone. A real Canon camera. I think I put it off for so long because I was scared I wasn’t even good enough to own one. That it wasn’t a big enough hobby for me to actually spend the money on it.
But you know what I did? I took my new camera, went off on an adventure by myself and took some pictures in the forest. Even if I only liked five out of the seventy I took, going out and doing that brought me so much joy.
This picture was my favorite. And it may be too dark, or out of focus, but I took it. I took it and I love it.
I think that we spend too much time caring about what other people think. I have wasted the twenty-four years of my existence being scared I wasn’t good enough.
And I may still struggle with it from time to time. But today I want to make the choice to believe that I am good enough. I’ll probably have to remind myself tomorrow. But as long as I am out there doing the things I love, I’m fine with working through that struggle.