It’s crazy how being an adult can put so much stress on a person.
I can remember being in high school and I had homework to do and I had commitments, but I hung out on Myspace daily and always had my friends over.
These days, I go to work and then come home and watch tv and hangout on Tumblr all night. Sometimes I write, or play music, or read.
But mostly I’m on the computer.
And yet, I’m more stressed out than I was even two years ago.
How is it that with age comes more stress?
Today I took a trip down memory lane and went through all of my old pictures.
Boy was that a terrible idea.
For one thing I was skinnier back then.
I just kept passing over pictures of friends and I hanging out at parks, or camps, and at school.
Things were structured but they weren’t.
We had summer. We had winter break.
We had all these things that we had to look forward to.
I’m sitting here looking forward to an email. An EMAIL.
I look forward to the weekend, and then on Saturday I already start dreading Monday.
I feel like I’ve had nothing to look forward to lately.
The only thing I look forward to is hanging out with people.
Which, I’m starting to think is more important. Really it’s all there is.
I get so nostalgic looking at old pictures because they were taken with friends. With people that I love.
You grow up hanging out with everyone so often because it’s convenient. They go to school with you, or live down the block.
Then you go to college and you have your roommates and quadmates and they’re always there.
You are so surrounded with all of these people that you love and that love you and support you.
Then you become an adult. And it all somewhat falls apart.
Your friends disperse. To different cities. Different states.
Life becomes about working, and making a living and paying bills.
Soon you don’t have time to try and make an effort to see people.
That was the biggest slap in the face.
Having all these people surround you, and you promise each other that you will always be friends and that you’ll talk all the time. And then you don’t.
Out of sight becomes out of mind.
I am so guilty of this.
Then when you don’t talk to anyone, you feel alone, then you feel like you can’t talk to them.
So you don’t tell them anything, because you can’t lie and say that you’re fine anymore.
It’s so hard to grow up. It’s hard to have things change.
It’s getting so difficult to look back on memories and not be jealous of my younger self.
It’s now almost impossible for me to see myself then and not be furious at myself for taking those times for granted.
It was a simpler time.