I let it all get to me.
I let the darkness in.
I tried so hard to keep calm and not worry about tomorrow, but then I did.
I started sinking like Peter and though I tried to tread water I became fully submerged in the darkness of doubt.
Repeatedly isolated and lonely I had no one to really turn to about my issues.
My feelings of inadequacy, shame, lust, anxiety, anything.
The darkness came in, and it all became too much.
Finally it all broke. The dark walls that had crept up around my heart and my spirit, they cracked.
With each new crack, every new tear, a piece fell away. The light was making it’s way back in.
Hope and trust stirred in my heart. Everything had broken and it seemed that the dam of doubt that was keeping everything in wasn’t strong enough.
Though tears were many, they were needed.
A little girl, overwhelmed, hurt, lonely, needing comfort and guidance. Her Father giving her hope, and telling her what she desperately needed to hear. That she is enough just the way she is, and that He loves her.
“Dear Michelle, you are so loved by everyone who knows you. You are a child of God, and He loves you so much. There is nothing that you can do to make Him love you more or love you less. You are ENOUGH. This is just a reminder that He is watching over you and taking care of you all the time. With Love, Another Child of God.”
It got to the point where I didn’t think that God saw me anymore. And this realization that I thought this broke me all over again.
How could the creator forget His creation? How could a Father forget His daughter?
I laid in a ball on my bed, sobbing, with my face in my hands trying to breathe.
Desperately trying to just breathe in anything that would make me feel better, that would make me happy and peaceful, and I knew, I KNEW, that only God could bring me the peace that I was desperately seeking.
I was in this place of complete unhappiness with life, I was anxious, I was scared and worried about life, and money, and people, and I felt forgotten. And then when I need it the most, God has someone give me that letter.
God made sure that I knew it was going to be okay. Not everything is made okay now, but this letter is a promise that God will always take care of me, and that it will be okay.
God is the only one who takes me as I am. I could be who I am now, forever, and He would still love me. I am enough.