Throughout my whole life I have seen others go through terrible circumstances. I have seen people walk away from God for the smallest reason, or at least it seemed like it to me.
Because of this, I had this fear grow inside of me. That one day my faith in God wouldn’t be enough, and my fear and worry would be too big and I would turn and run.
As I was graduating college, I knew that life was going to get increasingly hard. I knew that I would struggle. The one thing my parents didn’t want, and the one thing for my life that I chose. Because at least this way I’m doing what makes me happy, and I’m following Christ.
I think that God allows us to struggle because how else are we going to distinguish His love from the “love” of the world. How else are we going to make our lives dependent on Him unless He is literally the only person who could ever save us?
This has been the hardest summer of my life, and you know what? I’m glad.
I (somewhat) patiently waited for God to come through for me. Because I had no reason to believe that he wouldn’t.
I applied for jobs straight for about two months and was on the verge of just giving up and going home to get a job before the summer even ended.
At one point I went home and applied for a job that my friend could have gotten me. Though I cried the whole way to the place knowing it was wrong, I still applied and was interviewed on the spot. I didn’t want it. It wasn’t what I wanted. Nothing had ever felt more like giving up to me. So I told my friend even if they offered it to me I wouldn’t take it.
When I arrived back that week I got a couple of calls and opportunities, one of which was the place I now currently work at.
So I had a job! Things were working out.
Within a week of working there I was in contact with the people who I would eventually move in with. Even though my host home situation ended a bit rough and feelings were hurt I can now come home and relax, because I’m home. This is my home.
This past weekend I went away for a wedding, and over the span of one weekend a scam I had fallen for had taken three separate transactions from my account and I almost didn’t make it home.
Pissed off at the world for the first two days I was back home, I hadn’t really given it to God. I tried my best to deal with the problem on my own first. You know. Because I’m human and can’t let things go.
I went to the bank and got my card switched but couldn’t do much else. Yesterday one of the transactions was put back and I was glad, but still pretty upset.
I went to my small group and we talked about the few things that we still, though we say we don’t we do, keep from God. One of mine, obviously finances.
People asked for prayer requests to pray for us. I decided it was best to just say it. I don’t trust God enough was the bulk of my request. It was the fact that I don’t really trust God with my finances or trust that he will provide.
So my request, that I would trust Him more and have peace in it.
I came home, passed out in bed, and woke up this morning to a text from my mom telling me another transaction was returned. Praise Jesus! I told her. And I did.
I know that struggle in my life is God’s way for showing His greatness. There is no one greater than my God and I think this summer, I’ve really needed to see that. Even if seeing it felt like I was getting punched in the stomach.