The words i so desperately needed to hear.
“Mom and I are very proud of you.” – My Dad.
I used to be so scared of what my father thought. Not to the point of not doing what i loved, but to an extent, i was a little scared to dream.
I grew up in a pretty stable household. I went to church with my mother, and my father would come occasionally when i would be in a play or sing at church. But other than that, he didn’t really have a connection with my loving music and being on the worship team.
I had sports with him. He played caught with me, and helped coach my little league team.
I think our relationship kind of fell apart a bit when i became a teenager and was just upset at the world all the time, and went through the stage of being annoyed with my mom. And of course my notorious attitude.
Well. All heck broke loose when we weren’t financially stable anymore. They couldn’t pay the house payment, and our home for twelve years was auctioned out from underneath us.
Every since then, and probably a little bit before then, i’ve had it said to me multiple times that i need a good job so i could be financially stable. So of course it didn’t come as a big shock that when i voiced my desire to go to a christian college and minor in music my dad wasn’t necessarily happy about it. Not happy and not supportive are two very different things i guess.
I went through my first two years of college thinking that my dad didn’t support me. I was afraid to talk to him and tell him anything about payments, or what would happen after, because to be honest i have no clue what is going to happen after.
And now that i might be going to Massachusetts when i graduate it’s even harder because i’ll be on the other side of the country.
I got an email from him tonight asking what city i would be in when i move to Mass, because he wants to check out places they could stay in an RV when they come visit. I told him it wasn’t a for sure thing, that i’m still waiting to figure it out to see if it’s right. And he just tells me that “if it makes it easier for you, follow your heart and love what you do, for passion is the key to success.” Then he ends the message with “Mom and I love you so much and are very proud of you.”
It’s crazy how you can go so long thinking that someone doesn’t support you. My father just told me to follow my heart, and to follow my passion. I’ve never heard him say this to me before, it’s usually more like “you should be an accountant.”
This is such a bittersweet email. My father has finally silenced my doubts about my dreams, and told me to basically go for it. And he has told me he is proud of me. But it also means that i’m leaving, and won’t be with them all the time.
I know that it may suck not to see them. But my very black and white, must be a logical, steady, stable job, dad just gave me the green light to follow my dreams. I’m not going to stop now.