Doubting A Promise That Was Never Said

Last night i wrote a song in hopes that it could be used for some random low budget movie. 

It’s called “For David.” There is a story behind that, and i will get to that right now.

In freshmen year of high school (i think), i wanted to know who my future husband was. I know, hopeless at such a young age.

Well, i prayed to God before i went to bed, i asked him to give me a dream of my future husband.

And, well, he did, at least i thought.

There was this guy, dark hair, bright eyes, looking down at me with admiration. What i’ve always wanted. To be loved for being me. And from what it seemed in my dream, he did. And his name was David.

I had this dream once. Once. And i’ve held on to it for almost seven years. I’m twenty-one now, and i’ve never had a legit boyfriend, and i’ve also never been kissed. At this point i could care less. No really i COULD care less, because i care a lot.

I wish i cared less is what i’m trying to say.

But about this song. I finally spoke out what i felt. I wrote the song for someone else’s story, with my feelings. I pour out my heart for the past seven years. Wanting to know this guy that i met in my dreams. Wanting to see him in person, or finally meet him so we can start our life together.

As i wrote the lyrics to “For David” i realized that i kind of always knew that the dream i had that night was from my subconscious. Right? Am i wrong to think that? I’ve lived this way for such a long time. Wondering if it’s a promise in the form of a dream, or if it was just my mind and David will be stuck in there forever. I doubt it. I doubt that he’s real, everyday. Whenever i see someone who slightly resembles him, i get anxious and then can’t even bring myself to talk to them.

It’s like this dream has completely given me this hope for a man in the future, but has also crippled me to the point where if he did exist i would never talk to him.

This song acknowledges the fact that it’s all a dream. But pours out the need for it to be real. The need for this person on the other side to be seen in real life. To be found.

The bridge says this:

“As i run, i will disappear into the sun. Just to get to you, another dimension. I’ll fly for years in the sky, just to find you. I’ve gotta find you.” 

The lyrics are a bit weird, but how else do you expect to find someone who only exists in your dreams?

Now, i’m not fantasizing about some guy in my dream. I’m just telling a story. A story of a young girl who had a dream, that may or may not have been a promise from God. Or at least a good enough answer to hold me over until i was old enough to understand the truth. 

Year after year, i have had it drilled into my brain that there is no such thing as “the one.” That we choose who we want to be with, and we work hard to make it love, and make the marriage work. After every mouth that opened to tear down my dreams of “the one” little by little, David started to disappear. 

I want to say that i would wait for David. But he’s not real. Not that i know of at least. So i give up. 

I give up. And i let him go, after seven years. 

Wow. Who was to know that this is where this blog post would turn up. Me giving up on a dream that i thought was a promise. 

Giving it back to God, as he graciously gave me sweet dreams that night, and hoping that when the time comes, i will choose someone who truly makes me happy. 

I know that there will always be David. But he was just a dream. 

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