Dreams? Or lack thereof…

I have dreams. I think. 

Every since i grew up, i think it was sort of just implied that i would be a rockstar…

At least that’s what i wanted. 

I remember my first band, the Angels. 

We were in fifth grade and we wrote songs that had Avril Lavigne Beats and we would stand out by our tree at recess and all sing together. 

I got my first guitar the christmas of fifth or sixth grade. A black and white Yamaha electric. You know, one of those cheapy costco bundles. 

But nevertheless i loved it. 

My friend taught me C, G, and D. But i eventually learned Em which remains my favorite chord to this day. 

After that another friend and I had a band called Driice. Dri Ice. Yes i know. Terrible name. 

I went through middle school and high school writing songs and getting somewhat better at guitar. 

Then i joined the worship team in my youth group and got mentored by my youth pastor. 

I still had a band with a few added friends, but we didn’t really practice or perform except for talent shows at church, so the worship team was my main focus. 

I have always loved music, and writing songs, and singing like there was no tomorrow. 

I still have a huge binder of all the old songs i have written and couldn’t throw away. If i combined some and made them better, i could have a whole career in one binder. 

I loved worshipping God. I love singing praises and writing songs that show my heart for Him. 

I love leading worship. 

I love performing my songs. 

I love getting recognized as a good singer. Sometimes we need reassurance. 

I know that God has given me gifts and dreams and maybe even a vision. 

So… What do i do? 

I think that when i grew up i stopped wanting to be a rockstar because i figured when i accepted God into my heart that my dreams no longer mattered because i was going to do what God wanted me to do, and i had no say. 

But we all know that verse, that God will give us the desires of our hearts right? Well, doesn’t he technically put those desires there….? Haha. I’m serious. 

I have had the hardest time trying to figure out what i’m going to do after i graduate. And i really want to have something amazing just fall into my lap so i can go with it. And i’ve been told that when waiting for an opportunity from God, to write everything you want out so that God knows what you want yes, but also that when the opportunity comes by, you won’t miss it because you don’t know what it looks like. 

So here it is: 

I want to be part of something big. I want to lead worship, yes, but i want people to hear my music that isn’t necessarily worship music. I would love to record my music and i would love for it to reach people. I want people to understand my heart when they hear my music. I want a good job that i love and that will pay the bills. I would love to be a youth leader and try and help others figure out what they love doing an encourage it. I want a duet. Yes it sounds weird. But i’ve always wanted one person who compliments me perfectly to sing with me, this person could also be the love of my life, but i’m just dreaming here. I want to be close to my family. I want to be able to drive and see my nephew and hear his wonderful adorable laugh. I want to be able to see my family when i want, not just once a year. I want a cute little studio apartment that i can make my own, but i would also like to have a roommate. I would love to work in a local music store, or a random coffee shop, just for the experience. I want to play at open mic nights and maybe get signed. I want people to be able to relate to me through my music, and i would love to be able to talk to people over coffee about it. I want relationships! I want friends that pour into me that i can pour right back into. I want encouragements, and positivity, and pursuing. I want to be the best person i can be. I want to glorify God with every step that i take. I want to please Him. I want people to see Him in me and i want Him to reach people through me. I want a Christ centered life. I want to be adventurous and courageous to go out by myself and meet people and start relationships. I want what’s best for me. I know i was Made for More than being scared, or anxious about decisions i have to make.

So these are some of my dreams. Now i’m just waiting for something to come into my path and for me to recognize it as my next step. 

 

 

 

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