Today held new things. 

I was happy. Yet most of the day, and even now i’m alone. 

No need to please anyone, or do anything i don’t want to. 

I hate being guilted, or manipulated to hanging out with people. 

And lately i feel like it’s been like that a lot. 

I’ve been home for two weeks and i think this has been the first day i’ve actually been alone. Time for myself. Getting to be in peace i guess. 

It’s not that i don’t enjoy company, because i do. But when it’s forced, or loud and obnoxious company? Yeah yeah…

I know i complain a lot. But this is really my only vice. It’s not like i’m going to broadcast my feelings all over Facebook, or to everyone around me. 

Sometimes i need to be alone. Sometimes i just want to straight up tell people i don’t feel like hanging out, not just with them (or maybe) but in general. Does that make me a bad person? 

Okay, i’m going to be completely transparent for a minute. Throughout highschool i had a couple toxic friendships. Friendships that consisted of lies, manipulation, false fronts, deceit, breaking trust, and people going behind my back. 

However, i forgave and somewhat forgot. What i could anyways. And these people are still my friends, closeish friends. I don’t think they truly understand what they put my through, or what consequences have been evident in my life since. 

I have major trust issues, and i can always tell when people are trying to guilt me or manipulate me. I can tell if you’re being fake. I can tell when you are lying or making up stories. No, i’m not a lie detector. I’m just saying, i’ve been around the block and i know. 

So all that said, quite bluntly i apologize, i can’t stand more than a few hours being with people who have hurt me that much. I am kind of getting to the point where i almost can’t at all. So much still feels fake, or seems like a show. 

So yeah, time alone is good. 


One thought on “Today

  1. LetmebeRae says:

    No, you’re not a bad person for wanting time to yourself. As an introvert, we need alone time to recharge, some more than others. And that’s okay! Don’t feel pressured to do a lot of socializing if you’re not up for it.

    And I know how you feel about manipulative people. I’ve definitely dealt with my share of them. I want to believe the best in people, but I’ve been let down plenty of times. It happens and you should cut those toxic people out of your life if they are not adding anything positive to your life. From there, you just have to be more careful about who you allow in your enter circle. Don’t be paranoid and generalize everyone as out to get you, but just be…careful. Let people prove that they’re trust worthy. =)

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